Scars
by StormWolf10
Summary: Sequel to 'Obligation' and 'Acceptance', although you don't have to read those (I don't think). Jonathan has an issue with Rose's scars, which soon leads them to an unwanted discussion and an even more unwanted realisation.


**A/N: Gah! I've been working on this story for ages! Finally gotten it finished and put up. Read and review!**

"I could fix them for you, you know."

The words were out of Jonathan's mouth before his brain had chance to process them. Rose looked up from her laptop, frowning in confusion. Her mouth then formed a perfect 'o' as she followed her partner's gaze and saw the few light scars on her arms. They were only a few of the tens of scars that littered her body, but most were hidden by her clothes. She'd practically forgotten about them, they'd been there so long. Some of them were years old, from when she'd travelled in the TARDIS with the Doctor before they'd been separated. Some were from her failed attempts with the Dimension Cannon, signalling an awkward landing (like the scar on her right ankle; her foot had all but snapped beneath her when she'd materialised) or a hostile environment (she still had the scar on her back from the alien's whip). And some were much more recent, in the past eight months or so, signalling how she'd thrown herself (quite literally in some cases) into her work at Torchwood after Jonathan had walked out on her. Each one of the scars told a different story, represented a different hardship Rose had suffered through for the Doctor. Rose blinked, processing Jonathan's words. Finally, she looked up at him with a small smile.

"No thanks." She replied.

**~StormWolf10~**

"Well, I've never seen a man actually close his eyes when I've taken my clothes off before." Rose joked "Surely I don't look that bad."

Jonathan's eyes snapped open, and he smiled weakly at Rose.

"You look gorgeous." He assured her quietly.

Rose smiled back, but the smile didn't reach her eyes, and she quickly sat on her side of the bed, watching him carefully.

"Jonathan," she asked quietly, nervous "what's wrong?"

"Nothing." He answered quickly. Too quickly to be genuine.

"Please, Jonathan."

Jonathan sighed, and looked away for a few moments, taking deep breaths.

"It's your scars." He managed after a moment or so "I… They make me uncomfortable."

Rose quirked an eyebrow at him, staring at him with something akin to disbelief.

"My scars make you uncomfortable?" Rose echoed.

Jonathan nodded, blushed, and stared at the ceiling.

"Why do they make you uncomfortable?" Rose asked.

Jonathan remained staring at the ceiling and Rose sighed, shifting down the bed to lie beside him, on her side so she was facing him. She stayed like that, staring at him, until Jonathan looked at her. Her questioning look meant it was Jonathan's turn to sigh now, and he scrubbed his hands over his face tiredly.

"I… Every time I look at you, every time I see your scars… It reminds me of all the times I… Well, all the times I failed you. All the times I wasn't there to protect you, keep you safe. All the times I left you, whether it was deliberate or not." Jonathan sighed and met Rose's gaze, his expression pained "I… I don't want to be that person, Rose. I don't want to be the guy who hurt you a thousand times, who took advantage of and abused your love and kindness. I know it's in the past now, that I can't change any of it, but it still hurts. It still hurts that I was selfish enough to put myself before you, that I didn't try hard enough to get you back when you were first stranded here, that I promised you forever and then fled in the middle of the night. I want to stop running, Rose, I want to be with you forever, like I promised. But at the same time, every day I see those scars I have to wonder whether I'm the right person for you, whether I'll just end up hurting you again. Because I don't want to, I _don't_ want to hurt you again, but… Well, I haven't got a very good track record so far, have I?"

"But you came back, Jonathan. You came back. I forgave you, we worked our way through it." Rose reminded him, sounding hurt.

"I know, but I still… I still caused all those scars." Jonathan mumbled.

"Would… Would it make you feel any better if I let you get rid of them?" Rose asked quietly, brow furrowed.

There was something in her voice that made Jonathan speak.

"Why… Why do you want to keep them, Rose?"

Rose shrugged, and rolled over to lie on her back, brow furrowed.

"They… They remind me. Remind me of our old adventures, of before we got split up. Remind me of everything I went through to get the Dimension Cannon working, to get back to you, see you again. Remind me that I'm not indestructible."

Jonathan's eyes shut at that, and he bit his lip.

"I'm so, so sorry, Rose."

"I know." She replied simply "So I'll ask again; would it make you feel any better if I let you get rid of them?"

Jonathan thought for a few moments before, finally, with a resigned sigh, shook his head.

"No. I… I think even if I removed them from your body, healed them, wiped them… I'd… I'd still see them." He admitted quietly.

"Every time you look at me?" Rose asked worriedly.

Eyes still shut, the Doctor nodded sadly. Rose blinked, and Jonathan heard her exhale slowly.

"Right." She said after a while, staring up at the ceiling "So that's that then? Every time you look at me, you just see how damaged I am?"

Jonathan didn't respond for a while, but after several minutes, finally found his tongue.

"Like I said, Rose, I want to be with you. I love you, with all my heart, but… I don't understand how you can forgive me time and time again… I don't see how _I_ can forgive me time and time again. All I ever seem to do is hurt you."

"You're hurting me right now." Rose mumbled, causing Jonathan to look over at her sharply "You're acting like you're just going to up and leave me again, after you promised… You think you can't stay here, think that if you leave you'll hurt me less, but right now you're just hurting me more."

"Rose, I'm-"

"Sorry. Yeah, I know. It's all you ever seem to do now, apologise to me."

There was a pause, leaving the two of them in silence, the gloom of the room seeming to stifle them. And then Rose turned to look at Jonathan again. He was shocked to see her eyes brimming with tears. She took a deep breath, swallowed, and opened her mouth.

"This is the end of us, isn't it?"

Jonathan had no reply.


End file.
